Got involved with someone who really wasn’t right for you? Started a job that wasn’t anything like you expected it to be? Joined a community of people that you realized were so far from your centre of personal, professional and political values?
I’ve been there. I got there because in the beginning I believed in it. I really believed it was right for me. And I chased it hard. Ran face and eyes into it. Once I got there, in the middle of it all, I woke up one day to realize I was wrong. And not just a little off, but wrong. Like ‘holy fuck what am I doing here’ wrong!
You know what happens then don’t you? I mean if you’ve been here you know what happens.
You start in with the self-doubt, depreciation, blame, shame and fear that you can never be trusted again. I mean, how could you have made such a bad decision, had such poor judgement, let yourself get so lost!? Gawd, we are so hard on ourselves aren’t we?
Were we so wrong tho? There was something calling us there, maybe it was delusion but it was something that we choose to give our attention to. And there is something greatly learned, or can be, by giving of ourselves, even if it doesn’t work out in the end.
What we choose to pay attention to is determined by so many things; our dreams and ambitions, our fear of lack and isolation, our past traumas and conditionings that we have not been able to see or heal, yet.
And here is the thing. Every romantic tantrum, every toxic workplace and every soul sucking community can all lead us toward a life that is more empowered and joyfully aligned. If we let it.
We allow our life to align more with our deepest sense of self and what’s good when we begin practices of self-love and compassion. We can then take responsibility for our choices, especially those that don’t work out. It’s easy to blame the other or ourselves and blame is really not helpful when it comes to taking responsibility. Taking responsibility looks like acknowledging your hurts, your dreams, your lessons learned and your desire to keep growing and acting in that direction.
You can also beat the shit out of yourself and learn to hate and mistrust people and life and overall be miserable. It’s a well worn path, there’s lots of company in the land of the status quo.
Or you can wrap yourself in a blanket of forgiveness, self-love and compassion and decide to take the night off to be sad that it didn’t work out and pick yourself up the next day and try again. Knowing full well you may be wrong again someday, that is to say, you may again find yourself in a situation that you realize isn’t right for you. From there, well, you know what to do.
Keep on keeping on my friends. You are a child of the universe, doing your best and loved every step along the way.