So far this week I have around me five deaths; a family member, patents family, family & friends of friends. Friends and family also struggling with some big deal health conditions, in and out of hospital. It’s also a time of year when people take their own lives or begin a season of binge drinking, eating and faux holiday cheer as the bills pile up and expectations are ramped. Adding pressure on top of pressure. Boom
Happy Holidays.
I’m not trying to be the Grinch here. I just want to shed light on the struggles of so many of us have over this season. It’s not all eggnog & mistletoe. I know, I don’t need to tell you that. You’re human too.
But none of us really like that part; do we? Being human, with all the feels. We want to be comfortable with the ho ho hos and the jingle bells and the deck the halls. It’s embarrassing when we can’t get into the holiday spirit and sometimes it makes other people uncomfortable. It’s a full time job, maintaining the status quo. It’s like when you choose to not have a drink or a piece of rum cake but there’s that one friend that just really thinks you should, you deserve it, it’s Christmas for Christ’s sakes!
It’s a shame really.
It’s the forced cheer, treats, joy & holiday spirit that are exactly what makes us feel awful in the moment, or the next day or with every jingle that sparks a memory of those we’ve lost and moments we’ve never ever had.
Still, there’s something about the season that lies beneath the consumerism, the big show of tinsel and ornamental clutter. There is a genuine desire to be kind, to come together, to hold each other through the darkest days and share the light together. It’s a beautiful intention.
Can we grieve and feel joy at the same time?
I really believe we can. I believe we don’t need to force the merry & bright. If we don’t feel it, I believe there can still be room at the inn for every feeling and we needent have to all jolly if it isn’t how it is. So, how do we take care of ourselves & each other over these dark days?
Let them be. Let the grief come out if it needs to. Tell your pal who you know is struggling that he can miss your party but maybe you guys can have a coffee in the week. Or maybe even though she’s feeling low she can still come and find a cozy corner and feel the glow and take in whatever comfort she is willing and able to. Community is still so important.
Because we allow the darkness in doesn’t mean we are denying the light. Allowing the darkness to find it’s fullness of expression actually gives us a chance to get closer to the brighter other side. Darkness, pain, when denied can swallow you from the inside out. When we allow it to come fully, welcome it’s presence and accept it as a part of us, that is the magic that allows transformation to the other side. The full spectrum of our humanity arises when we allow ourselves s to be seen for who/how we truly are/feel. We create the space/compassion that makes peace on earth possible for all of us.
Happy Holidays.